SADNESS:

I have searched and searched for a picture that would best depict my many many moods these past few weeks. Sure, I found several faces of sad people but I did not want to attach any particular face to this post. Then, I stumbled upon this one. A simple picture of a tulip waiting to bloom. Waiting, waiting, waiting............................

You see, these past few weeks I have found myself in quiet a depression. Basically, I just wanted to find a dark room and hide away from the world. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I just could not find that happy place in which I am accustomed to living. That carefree, happy, spontaneous, nothing can bother me place. EVERYTHING has seemed to annoy me lately. This should be the time of year in which we all celebrate and give thanks. All I want this time of year to do is GET GONE. Is that just terrible? I am so over the push and stress of holiday. I am so over the push and stress of trying to be perfect. I am so over the push and stress of trying to please everyone. The only thing that I feel I have accomplished by all this pushing and stress of the holiday is a synical and very unhappy Rob.

I seem to have lost myself these past few weeks. I look in the mirror and I am disgusted by the person who stares back at me. That person is not me. What the hell has happened to make me this way? I sit and stare out the window and cry. I drive to work and I cry. I drive home from work and I cry. I wake and I cry.

All I know is that my world, for some reason, has been turned upside down. My moods and outlook on life these days is adversely effecting my life at home. The rare moments that I have to share with my beloved have turned into moments of distance. I seem to have created this void between us. One this is disturbing and disheartening. Yes, I love him with all my heart. My heart seems to be burdened and my head overloaded.

I strive so damn hard to be the best at anything that I do. So much so that I seem to have forgotten to enjoy the race. Maybe I have turned too much attention to the finish line that I can not enjoy the beauty of the scenery around me.

And another thing or two, I miss my friends and family so damn much it literally hurts. My heart hurts to see them. To listen to each voice. To have a gut wrenching laugh. To have lunch together. To cook dinner and watch a movie together. To just sit and enjoy each and every minute I can with them. I so miss those times. I need to return to that happy place, not just for my sake, but for the sake of those around me and those that I love dearly. Yes, I sit here typing this with huge tears in my eyes. I honestly don't think that I have cried this much in years. When I do cry, I try to remember a quote that I once heard, "Tears are to the soul as rain is to the earth." Maybe it is a cleansing. I don't know. I just know that like the "sad" tulip above, I too wait, wait, wait......................................to bloom and be happy again.

unt

As promised, here it is. The soon to be famous picture of me sitting on Paula's (meemaw) lap. What a wonderful experience it was hosting a book signing for Paula. Let me recap for you.

Friday, November 3 arrived with much anticipation. The store was a hustle and bustle of excitement not only from my staff, but hundreds of Paula's fans anxiously awaiting her arrival. You could feel the excitement in the air. All of these fans were lined up outside the door to the store, forming a line that wrapped around one of the main courts, overlooking the first level. That line wrapped back around to our front door and began running infront of the store then down infront of four other stores. This day alone, we sold $12,000 in Paula Deen cookbooks.

Around 12:20, I got the call that "the car" was arriving. So, I hurried off to welcome this lovely lady to our city and our store. As the car pulled up, butterflies began flying around in my stomach. I was so excited that I could hardly wait to see her. There, in the car with her, sitting in the front seat was Michael Groover, her husband. In the back seat were Paula and her Personal Assistant, Brandon. I extended my hand to welcome both Michael and Brandon. Then, Paula circled around from the opposite side of the car. Wow, what a radiant, genuine smile. I approached Paula and said, "I am so sorry, but I cannot simply shake your hand. I have to give you a hug." To which she responded as she spread her arms wide, "Well come on sugar, give me a big ol' hug then". Yep, we were off to a running start. We all took a moment to "rest" and chat before we entered the building. I tell you, it was like the security guard and I were from the Secret Service. As you can see in the picture above, I was all walkie and ear pieced up'd. After our short breather, we made our way to the back entrance of the store and then directly to the office which had been converted into the "green room". In the green room we had fresh cut fruit with a few delicous pastries, bottled water and diet Pepsi, one of Paula's favorites. As well as a few copies of her Celebrates book to presign and a big Williams-Sonoma tote bag full of goodies. After a quick stop in the green room, we then made our way onto the sales floor. My oh my. As soon as we entered the floor, awaiting fans began shouting, "We love you Paula". Wow, what a dedicated following Paula has. We made it to the signing table, got everyone in place and then I picked up the mic. If you don't know, I will tell you. I would rather chew my arm off than talk infront of a huge crowd. So, one would think that I would be petrified standing there with that mic in hand and looking out over the sea of people. NOPE. I was at total ease. Well, I introduced Paula and then handed the mic off to her so that she could address the crowd. Then, the signing began. What a production. All of the hard work, intense planning and anticipation was paying off. We moved right at 600 people through the store in a matter of an hour and fifteen minutes. Roughly, Paula signed 1000 autographs. Most people had two books or something else for her to sign. When the signing was over, we made our way back to the green room for a quick rest and opportunity to talk with Paula and get our books signed. As Paula was signing my books, I asked to take a quick picture of her. Her response was, as she swirled around in the chair, "Well come on sugar, sit here on meemaws lap. Come on, sit here." I was so beside myself. My assistant grabbed the camera and took the shot above.

I tell you, Paula and Michael are genuine people. They exude true love for each other and a real desire to be around people and have a good time. They believe in living life to it's fullest and being thankful for everyday that they wake to get another chance to make a difference in this world. They laugh every morning and every night and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. They both truely admire and surround themselves with those of us who come from humble beginings and work hard to be successful and effect change. I tell you, I am totally smitten with them both. Paula and Michael's lives are alot like gumbo. Filled with flavorful ingredients. And it all began with a basic roux, one that has not changed. A roux of hope, desire, passion and love.

I hope to get to visit Paula in Savannah this coming spring. My intent was expressed to her and my desire is true. This could be the begining of a beautiful....................dish.

unt

Well ladies and gentlemen, I exercised my privilege to vote. Yes, you read it, PRIVILEGE. I know that my vote did count. We all should have the same attitude toward casting our ballot. You see, I just feel that not enough citizens feel as if his or her vote counts. But, my friends, it does. The simple act of not casting your vote sends a message too! I would venture to bet that more registered voters turn out to buy a lottery ticket than they do to vote. WOW! Imagine, if you will, how many voters would show up at the poles if there were a chance to win the lottery attached to your vote. I think the odds of winning your "voice" in congress or the senate is more likely to happen that ever winning the lottery. Chew on that spicey dish for a moment.

Now, OUT TO WIN is not about giving any given group of people SPECIAL privileges. It is about giving everyone the option of equality. The VOTE NO on 1 referendum is a huge initiative in that regard. I was approached with the question of, "Why would any gay couple really want to get married? Why would you want to have to battle things out in court when you can basically walk away? Divorces get messy. Then there is the whole issue with custody of children. There are so many reasons as to not get married. Why push for the amendment?"

I tell you, it is about giving everyone the option to choose and exercise that option if they want to. It is that simple. Next, we will be voting whether or not to let certain groups of people vote! Or hold political offices for the fear that he or she may have an influence on the "wrong" or "right" people. You see, the stigma is, and always will be, ever present. There are still many many people who feel that African-Americans are still sub-citizens. How many years, tears, blood, sweet and hard work have to occur before every man, woman, child, gay, lesbian, transgender, transsexual, black, white, Asian, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Pagan, ETC.....is treated as and given his and her born right? You see, when one starts creating a dish, one thinks of all the ingredients that will eventually go into the pot. Gumbo, so many ingredients, so many flavors, so many options. But we get to edit the recipe as we see fit. We get to create a dish all of our own to meet the needs and taste of our own palate.

If we don't vote and voice our opinions, our ingredient will be left out of the gumbo. The possibilities of a diverse mixture of ingredients(cultures and groups of people) will be left out of the recipe. Sometimes these recipes are lost forever, only to remain in someone's memory. Memories fade over time and we forget the fine details and the missing ingredients to recipes. I don't want that with this recipe. I want it etched in stone so that it will not be forgotten. I voted today. I have a voice. I have a wish and a dream.

EQUALITY FOR ALL

Yep, you're right, that is the one and only Paula Deen. And she will be making an appearance at my store on Friday, November 3 at 1:00pm. If she does not conjure up the word southern, I don't know who does. To me, Paula has that "something" that just makes you want to be in her presence. It has to be the fact that she is 100% genuine...She is who she is and makes no bones about it.

A few months back, before we moved to Nashville, I asked AJ a simple question, "If you could spend a day with one celebrity chef, who would it be?" My immediate thought was Paula Deen. Yes, this was before I even knew she was coming to the Greenhills Williams-Sonoma for a book signing. The book to the right is the one that she will be signing. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out that she would be visiting my store on a 37 stop tour. OMG. I am as giddy as June Cleaver with a bucket full of butt-holes....... So, we will be hosted an event that draws hundreds, if not a thousand or more. We will be cookin' up some of those good ol' recipes out of her new book and passing them around to the folks waitin' in line. Just a little sumthin to keepem occupied during there long wait. You see, her fans have been callin' my store for 6 weeks now in anticipation of her arrival. Every other phone call is a question regarding Paula. So, forgive me for not addin' any other ingredients to the gumbo for the past week or so, as ya'll can see, I been busy gettin' ready for my favorite celeb chef. I promise to add more savory ingredients after the visit. Who knows, there might even be a picture of me with the lovely lady.......