OK, now that I have your attention, I know that you are thinking, "What in the world is this logo doing on this blog?" As my blog header states, this is Truth Gumbo. The gumbo dish consists of many ingredients and depth of flavors. Now, onto the blog.

This morning when I awoke, I was not feeling well. So, I made a call into work and took a day of rest, napping alot of the day along with the pup. For the time I was not asleep, I found myself watching the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader (DCC as I now know it is called) tryouts. At first glance and thought of this orginazation, one would think, "Cheerleaders, whatever." I, too, thought this. As you see, I used the past tense, thought. I have been reformed. What an amazing orginazation. These "girls" work their behinds off. From sunrise to sunset, constant scrutiny. I really encourage everyone to watch this program if you ever get the chance. What these "girls" go through is absolutely grueling. Hard, hard work everyday. It seems to never end. Trust me folks, this is a serious business. Yes, business. Determination and perseverence is what drives these girls to become who they want to become. Remember, life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. That is what these girls go on a daily basis. Creating a person that is much admired by football fans around the country. Afterall, who does not know the image of a DCC?

What I have learned from watching this program today is eye opening. To have your performance, both professionally and personally, has to be quiet nerve racking. Not only do these girls have to "look" good but they have to be smart. Yes, imagine that, these women are smart. They are trained in etiquette, get a physical makeover, taught on current events, reach out to the community and much much more. If you think that your job is constantly being looked at under the microscope, think again. It never stops for these women. They have to be mentally strong in order to survive this camp. Up front and brutal honesty every moment of every day.

I think I could write a short book on these women and I have never met them. After "spending" time with them today, I feel like I know them. What I do know is, I have total newfound respect for them. To want something so bad that you are willing to put yourself through such "torture" is a trait that should be admired. My hat is off to these women. We all should work so hard to become what we should become.

unt

I have searched and searched through all of my pics in order to find one that would relate to my topic tonight. As I was searching, I realized that I was forcing a subject instead of letting one reveal itself to me. That being said, no photo, no original topic. Instead, my day in at a glance.

Being that Christmas and Holiday are officially over in the retail world and it is on to it's next phase, I felt that it was time to start revealing to my management staff about my resignation. Today would be the day that I could tell them all being that all were scheduled. LOL. What the hell was I thinking? Again, today, an assistant manager calls in sick. So, I have to mentally prepare myself again tomorrow. As I told each of the ones that worked today, you could have tipped them over with a feather. Sincere suprise. Every response was the same, "You're kidding me right?" Nope, not a joke, for real guys. It felt as if a huge weight was being lifted everytime I revealed my departure to each manager. My intent was to be fully free this evening when I arrived home, but yet again, plans get foiled. Oh well, tomorrow, hopefully, will be my liberation. Tomorrow will officially begin the end of a journey that began with high hopes and high expectations. Tomorrow I can freely speak of my new direction, my new hopes, my new expectations, my new beginning. My new moto:

"The greatest is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can become." max de pree

unt

I was just browsing through some pics this morning and stumbled upon this one. Do any of you remember when it was taken? Of course I do. But, as a reminder for those of you who may have forgotten, this picture was take during the pink ladies birthday party. And, one of the men in the photo had literally just gotten out of the hospital. When I see this picture, I am reminded of the happiness that consumed my life as well as those around me. I was told that these two were spotted somewhere and were making a move back to this happy place. I did some investigating and it is true. No, not rumors, true true true...Can't wait to see them again.....I know that I have missed them terribly as I am sure that many others have too.

Happy happy joy joy........

unt

Well, after such a lenthy absence from my blog, due to much much work, and gaining the knowledge that a few of our dear friends are rather concerned about me/us, I felt that I should be so kind as to update everyone. So, take a deep breathe ya'll....

As far as my partner and I, we are fine and there are no troubles in our relationship. We love each other just as we always have, if not even deeper. So, let's put any concerns that there is trouble on the homefront.

Next, the previous post was one that was written in an effort to verbalize my unhappiness with my current job. I have worked for this company for 5 years and "thought" and "believed" that I would retire with them. The idea of growth and travel was such a promising aspect for me and I was, yes was, 100% on board. For those of you who really know me and my past, you will attest that I am no stranger to hard work. I have had to work for anything and everything that I have ever had. So, work does not frighten me. We relocated to Nashville back in July with the hopes and promise that I was still building and securing my future with this company. Since moving here, my eyes have opened up and I have become ever more aware of the consequences of my decision to move up that corporate ladder. Yes, it all sounds glamorous and exciting. Who wouldn't want to be the "Big Boss Man"? Well, that is what I thought.

For every year that I have worked in retail, I have discovered that I have lost more and more enjoyment of the holiday season. This year has not been exempt either. I honestly could have gone through this holiday without any decoration or celebration whatsoever. No tree, no lights, no cards, no holiday aromas, NOTHING.... I was so over it. Yep, Mr. Scrooge...

The more I thought about it, the more I despised the holiday. Eventually, I did not even like the person that was looking back at me in the mirror. I was no longer me. Unhappy and depressed. That is what was effecting life at home. I needed to make a change and quick.

After many restless nights, consideration and discussion, I felt that in order for me to "get back to my happy place", I needed to make a change in my career. I was so jaded about retail. I thought that this company was so totally different than all of the rest. In most aspects it is. But in the end, all retail is the same. One goal, make money, more money, more money.....and by any means. Ultimately, I have grown to dislike what I do. Therefore, the need for change. When one wakes in the morning, gets dressed for work, and walks through those doors, there should be a certain, genuine feeling that overcomes us. It is a warm, fuzzy feeling that excites you and makes you want to do what ever it is that you do. That feeling my friends has been absent for sometime.

Now, I could go on and on about my feelings. Maybe I should write a book or something. I will save some for another post.

Last night I watched The Devil Wears Prada. OMG, I was so the character Andrea. Going through the daily bump and grind and getting all caught up in the hustle and bustle. So deep into "my world" that I was turning my back on those that I loved and needed the most. One of the lines from the movie goes something like this, "When you are doing great at work, life at home is rocky. When you are up for promotion, life tends to go up in flames." That is not the exact quote but close enough for you all to get the idea. That line hit me like a ton of bricks. WOW....never thought of things that way.

Don't get me wrong, working for this company has not been a mistake. It was right and necessary. The growth and maturity that I have gained while employed here is priceless. Lessons that shall carry me through the next leg of my journey through life. Now, I just need to enjoy it again. I have been so caught up in looking at the finish line that I can not enjoy the race. So, time to take a break and get back to what I know and enjoy......FOOD.

That being said, it is now secret by now that we have made the decision to move back to Memphis by spring. I will start work the last week of January doing what I do best........

More to come later.

Thanks for all of your support and concern. Each and everyone of you mean so, so much to me.

unt

SADNESS:

I have searched and searched for a picture that would best depict my many many moods these past few weeks. Sure, I found several faces of sad people but I did not want to attach any particular face to this post. Then, I stumbled upon this one. A simple picture of a tulip waiting to bloom. Waiting, waiting, waiting............................

You see, these past few weeks I have found myself in quiet a depression. Basically, I just wanted to find a dark room and hide away from the world. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I just could not find that happy place in which I am accustomed to living. That carefree, happy, spontaneous, nothing can bother me place. EVERYTHING has seemed to annoy me lately. This should be the time of year in which we all celebrate and give thanks. All I want this time of year to do is GET GONE. Is that just terrible? I am so over the push and stress of holiday. I am so over the push and stress of trying to be perfect. I am so over the push and stress of trying to please everyone. The only thing that I feel I have accomplished by all this pushing and stress of the holiday is a synical and very unhappy Rob.

I seem to have lost myself these past few weeks. I look in the mirror and I am disgusted by the person who stares back at me. That person is not me. What the hell has happened to make me this way? I sit and stare out the window and cry. I drive to work and I cry. I drive home from work and I cry. I wake and I cry.

All I know is that my world, for some reason, has been turned upside down. My moods and outlook on life these days is adversely effecting my life at home. The rare moments that I have to share with my beloved have turned into moments of distance. I seem to have created this void between us. One this is disturbing and disheartening. Yes, I love him with all my heart. My heart seems to be burdened and my head overloaded.

I strive so damn hard to be the best at anything that I do. So much so that I seem to have forgotten to enjoy the race. Maybe I have turned too much attention to the finish line that I can not enjoy the beauty of the scenery around me.

And another thing or two, I miss my friends and family so damn much it literally hurts. My heart hurts to see them. To listen to each voice. To have a gut wrenching laugh. To have lunch together. To cook dinner and watch a movie together. To just sit and enjoy each and every minute I can with them. I so miss those times. I need to return to that happy place, not just for my sake, but for the sake of those around me and those that I love dearly. Yes, I sit here typing this with huge tears in my eyes. I honestly don't think that I have cried this much in years. When I do cry, I try to remember a quote that I once heard, "Tears are to the soul as rain is to the earth." Maybe it is a cleansing. I don't know. I just know that like the "sad" tulip above, I too wait, wait, wait......................................to bloom and be happy again.

unt

As promised, here it is. The soon to be famous picture of me sitting on Paula's (meemaw) lap. What a wonderful experience it was hosting a book signing for Paula. Let me recap for you.

Friday, November 3 arrived with much anticipation. The store was a hustle and bustle of excitement not only from my staff, but hundreds of Paula's fans anxiously awaiting her arrival. You could feel the excitement in the air. All of these fans were lined up outside the door to the store, forming a line that wrapped around one of the main courts, overlooking the first level. That line wrapped back around to our front door and began running infront of the store then down infront of four other stores. This day alone, we sold $12,000 in Paula Deen cookbooks.

Around 12:20, I got the call that "the car" was arriving. So, I hurried off to welcome this lovely lady to our city and our store. As the car pulled up, butterflies began flying around in my stomach. I was so excited that I could hardly wait to see her. There, in the car with her, sitting in the front seat was Michael Groover, her husband. In the back seat were Paula and her Personal Assistant, Brandon. I extended my hand to welcome both Michael and Brandon. Then, Paula circled around from the opposite side of the car. Wow, what a radiant, genuine smile. I approached Paula and said, "I am so sorry, but I cannot simply shake your hand. I have to give you a hug." To which she responded as she spread her arms wide, "Well come on sugar, give me a big ol' hug then". Yep, we were off to a running start. We all took a moment to "rest" and chat before we entered the building. I tell you, it was like the security guard and I were from the Secret Service. As you can see in the picture above, I was all walkie and ear pieced up'd. After our short breather, we made our way to the back entrance of the store and then directly to the office which had been converted into the "green room". In the green room we had fresh cut fruit with a few delicous pastries, bottled water and diet Pepsi, one of Paula's favorites. As well as a few copies of her Celebrates book to presign and a big Williams-Sonoma tote bag full of goodies. After a quick stop in the green room, we then made our way onto the sales floor. My oh my. As soon as we entered the floor, awaiting fans began shouting, "We love you Paula". Wow, what a dedicated following Paula has. We made it to the signing table, got everyone in place and then I picked up the mic. If you don't know, I will tell you. I would rather chew my arm off than talk infront of a huge crowd. So, one would think that I would be petrified standing there with that mic in hand and looking out over the sea of people. NOPE. I was at total ease. Well, I introduced Paula and then handed the mic off to her so that she could address the crowd. Then, the signing began. What a production. All of the hard work, intense planning and anticipation was paying off. We moved right at 600 people through the store in a matter of an hour and fifteen minutes. Roughly, Paula signed 1000 autographs. Most people had two books or something else for her to sign. When the signing was over, we made our way back to the green room for a quick rest and opportunity to talk with Paula and get our books signed. As Paula was signing my books, I asked to take a quick picture of her. Her response was, as she swirled around in the chair, "Well come on sugar, sit here on meemaws lap. Come on, sit here." I was so beside myself. My assistant grabbed the camera and took the shot above.

I tell you, Paula and Michael are genuine people. They exude true love for each other and a real desire to be around people and have a good time. They believe in living life to it's fullest and being thankful for everyday that they wake to get another chance to make a difference in this world. They laugh every morning and every night and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. They both truely admire and surround themselves with those of us who come from humble beginings and work hard to be successful and effect change. I tell you, I am totally smitten with them both. Paula and Michael's lives are alot like gumbo. Filled with flavorful ingredients. And it all began with a basic roux, one that has not changed. A roux of hope, desire, passion and love.

I hope to get to visit Paula in Savannah this coming spring. My intent was expressed to her and my desire is true. This could be the begining of a beautiful....................dish.

unt

Well ladies and gentlemen, I exercised my privilege to vote. Yes, you read it, PRIVILEGE. I know that my vote did count. We all should have the same attitude toward casting our ballot. You see, I just feel that not enough citizens feel as if his or her vote counts. But, my friends, it does. The simple act of not casting your vote sends a message too! I would venture to bet that more registered voters turn out to buy a lottery ticket than they do to vote. WOW! Imagine, if you will, how many voters would show up at the poles if there were a chance to win the lottery attached to your vote. I think the odds of winning your "voice" in congress or the senate is more likely to happen that ever winning the lottery. Chew on that spicey dish for a moment.

Now, OUT TO WIN is not about giving any given group of people SPECIAL privileges. It is about giving everyone the option of equality. The VOTE NO on 1 referendum is a huge initiative in that regard. I was approached with the question of, "Why would any gay couple really want to get married? Why would you want to have to battle things out in court when you can basically walk away? Divorces get messy. Then there is the whole issue with custody of children. There are so many reasons as to not get married. Why push for the amendment?"

I tell you, it is about giving everyone the option to choose and exercise that option if they want to. It is that simple. Next, we will be voting whether or not to let certain groups of people vote! Or hold political offices for the fear that he or she may have an influence on the "wrong" or "right" people. You see, the stigma is, and always will be, ever present. There are still many many people who feel that African-Americans are still sub-citizens. How many years, tears, blood, sweet and hard work have to occur before every man, woman, child, gay, lesbian, transgender, transsexual, black, white, Asian, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Pagan, ETC.....is treated as and given his and her born right? You see, when one starts creating a dish, one thinks of all the ingredients that will eventually go into the pot. Gumbo, so many ingredients, so many flavors, so many options. But we get to edit the recipe as we see fit. We get to create a dish all of our own to meet the needs and taste of our own palate.

If we don't vote and voice our opinions, our ingredient will be left out of the gumbo. The possibilities of a diverse mixture of ingredients(cultures and groups of people) will be left out of the recipe. Sometimes these recipes are lost forever, only to remain in someone's memory. Memories fade over time and we forget the fine details and the missing ingredients to recipes. I don't want that with this recipe. I want it etched in stone so that it will not be forgotten. I voted today. I have a voice. I have a wish and a dream.

EQUALITY FOR ALL